I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
