Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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