she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
