I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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