You kept calling me your small dog last night.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
