Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
