I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize