your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
