Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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