She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
