After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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