i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
