omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
