i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
