I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize