Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize