so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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