Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
