DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
