o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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