Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
