how can u be prego again
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
