If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
