We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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