I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I'm passing your future prison.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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