So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
