Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize