Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i dont even know how to be here
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
