I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
