I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize