Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
