I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
