Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
