Kiss
Puke
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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