a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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