I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
