Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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