do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
