new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
