I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
