I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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