He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
