ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
