Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
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what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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