It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
