now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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