I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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