Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Oh god it's open bar.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize