I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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