the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
