somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Hello my rib-scented angel!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I have post one night stand depression
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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