life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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