So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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