the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
