just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize