I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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