this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
