Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
