Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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