So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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