i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You are a genius and a whore.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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