Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
