Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
did i walk over a car last night?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
