I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
