make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
