I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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