is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
