We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
