Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
