The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
