roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
