Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Enjoy the penises
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
