Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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