they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize