She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
