Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
