I accidentally burped into my bong.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
