And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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