States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
