It was confusing and full of hummus
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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