It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
