i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
