so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
