some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize