We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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