and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
