Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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