around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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