you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
