Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
