if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
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