I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
