She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
