my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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