Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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