My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You may now shotgun with the bride
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
