dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize