atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
