It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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