Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
