After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
