I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
