I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
