I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
