Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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