Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize