yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
