How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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