I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
