oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
