I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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